Friday, May 26, 2006
Fountain Sweeper
Beauteous day. Stepped outside to return a library book and pick up a new pair of headphones and the sweetness of the day is sublime. Like a hot shower on a cold day or a cold shower on a hot day, or something like that. Makes a man want to sit back, close his eyes and let the goodness flow.

Not this man. No, I have melancholy seeping through me like an open pen in a shirt pocket. I should be doing other things. I should be elsewhere. I should be climbing. Alas.

For the second day in a row I saw The Fountain Sweeper. This guy, an older fellow, wearing hip waders and pushing a broom in the Time-Life fountain. It's a big fountain; I'd say 40 by 20 and 2 or 3 feet deep. He's moving the tossed coins toward the center. Every curious, I walk over and ask: "So you're the guy who collects the coins!". "I DON'T TAKE NUTTIN', NUTTIN' AT ALL", he retorts, karate chopping the air with every syllable. "Ok, if you don't take them, who does". "I DON'T TAKE NUTTIN' FROM NOBODY, NUTTIN' I TELL YOU, NUTTIN' AT ALL". No hand motions this time, just the icy stare of a mean old dog. Ok then. Fine. Your fat ugly wife isn't giving you any so you take it out on me. Yeah right, I'll show you. Actually, no; I just walked away. What a crappy job. I'd say someone made some bad career choices. Or maybe he didn't have a good tailwind.

Men are competitive by nature; even me, and I could generally care less about my relative standing. I'm in the mens room stall (yes, I'm a stall man. In case I'm ever kidnapped and replaced by a copy and he mentions using a urinal you can be assured that the doppleganger is indeed such) about to take one of the fifty two thousand pees I take every day, and I notice that -- don't say it -- the urine of another contaminates my bowl. I like a clean bowl, but before I flush I notice his has a rich golden hue, whereas mine's more the tint of a delicate Chardonnay (betcha won't be sipping white wine any time soon). Ha, I thought, my urine is superior to that bladder juice you've sullied my bowl with. I am Well Hydrated. So there. I may not be the Alpha Male of the monkey herd, but, by golly, I've got good, clean pee and I'm a better man because if it.